If I wrote Bazooka Joe comics.

This one's from the Rowdy Bowden vault.

If I wrote Bazooka Joe comics, updated for today's kids...

Panel 1:
Joe driving his car with Mort (the guy with the turtleneck covering up his mouth) in the passenger seat.

Joe: "Ok Mort. I'll be right back."


Panel 2:
A guy in a ski mask brandishing a glock gets in the car. Mort looks calm.

Thug: "Get out of the fucking car!!"


Panel 3:
Mort is getting out of the car, looking extremely calm.

Mort: "No problem dude. It's all yours."


Panel 4:
Joe runs out of the store, looking pissed.

Joe: "What the fuck dude! You just let that guy steal my car!!"


Panel 5:
Mort is still calm. Joe looks shocked.

Mort: "Don't worry dude. I got his license plate number."


Panel 6: Joe, extremely upset with Mort's stupidity, begins beating him with a sack of doorknobs, rolled quarters and frozen apples.


And scene.