1. Overboard
Kurt Russell is a poor man's Patrick Swayze. Goldie Hawn is an old man's Kate Hudson. But I don't care. Because Overboard is a classic carpenter - gets - dissed - by - rich - bitch - and - then - convinces - her - she's - his - wife - when - she - gets - amnesia - after - falling - off - her - yacht - and - then - they - really - fall - in - love - and - live - happily - ever - after - because - the - money - was - hers - and - not - her - husband's - and - she - comes- to- realize - that - it's - not - all - about - money - and - she - loves - his - kids.Let's face it, there's a million movies with that plot, but this one really nails it.
And Kurt Russell's last name is Profitt. See the symbolism there? She has money. He's trying to profit off it, but in the end, he profits off true love. You don't get symbolism like that in crap like, oh, I don't know, Shakespeare or some other dead guy.
2. Scary Movie 2
I like fart jokes. I really do. But the Scary Movie franchise seems to be one long, Wayans-created fart joke. I actually think that all the Wayans Brothers flatulence jokes have manifested themselves into a giant green fart cloud. They've named him Sphincta Wayans and I'm sure we'll see him soon. Hell, he'll probably have his own movie where he goes to live with a stuck-up white family. He'll make jokes about the dad's small penis and the mom's non-existent ass.Then he'll fart on them all. For 90 straight minutes. And just wait until you see the Unrated DVD. He farts on them all for at least 4 hours.
Stupid white people.
3. She's All That
Usher AND Lil Kim in a movie? Together? Finally my prayers have been answered.This one is pretty much the epitome of "throw some glasses and paint-stained overalls on a girl and that means she's ugly." It's a common theme, but, dammit, they do it well.
My only real problem with this movie is that Rachael Leigh Cook's character works at a fast food place and has to wear a ridiculous hat with a meatball or pita or breakfast burrito or something on top of it. Does this ever happen in real life? I have never walked into a fast food establishment and seen the guy behind the counter wearing a giant pizza on his head. If I did, I'd probably turn around and walk right out, because if the people who work there are willing to wear a felt hamburger with googley eyes for minimum wage, chances are they have serious mental problems and never wash their hands.
They probably also find Sphincta Wayans rip-roaringly hilarious.
4. PCU
Is it just me, or does Jon Favreau's weight fluctuate dramatically with every movie he's in? He's normal in Swingers. Then ginormous in The Break-up. He's downright gelatinous in this movie, but not really in a fat way. It's more like he's filled with some sort of gas or liquid that caused him to balloon up. When I'm watching this, I half expect a gang of Oompah Loompahs to wheel him off to the juicing room for squeezing while singing a little song.
Oompah Loompah doompa dee dert
This guy is filled with a gas that's inert
Oompah Loompah doompa dee deer
I bet he wishes he had Vince Vaughn's career
5. Drive Me Crazy
How can you not enjoy a movie that features a critic right on the cover who exclaims "Drive Me Crazy rocks!"
Was this reviewer a 13 year-old girl? I can't imagine Ebert giving it two Bratz Dolls up and saying "Adrian Grenier is soooooo dreamy!"
But, if nothing else, this movie features someone who has given me countless hours of entertainment. For 30 minutes a day, I can watch this thespian's entourage get in all kind of situations while they smoke a lot of weed and hang out.
I'm talking, of course, about Melissa Joan Hart in Sabrina, The Teenage Witch. Seriously...a talking cat? She must have been smoking something.
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Anybody have any more they can think of? Comment now, or I know a certain omnipresent fart cloud that would love to find another white family to move in with.
4 comments:
My favorite thing about Overboard is how they all came together and made that awesome golf course. Whether it's a house, girl, or life that gets a makeover in a movie, I'm so sucked into watching it.
"We like her, dad!"
I do believe you bought that copy of Drive Me Crazy for super cheap at Wherehouse one day.
And I do recall walking in your room many times while you were watching. But instead of laughing, I had to sit down and watch it too. It has that effect on people.
well, i can't say that i've seen "drive me crazy" or "overboard", but i dug the blog. and i'm totally with you on "PCU" and favreau.
oh, and usher and lil' kim are in "she's all that"? maybe i should watch that again. (er, i mean "for the first time")
nice work!
I love all your shameful movies. PCU and Drive Me Crazy suck me right in, but you forgot Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. And The Mummy, which USA feels compelled to air a minimum of 47 times a week as a perfect complement to its non-stop regimen of Law & Order.
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