If I had to guess what percentage of this site’s hits come from people randomly Googling words that happen to appear in my blogs, I’d say it was somewhere around 90%. Give or take 10%. Probably give.
But the good thing about it is that with my trusty site tools, I can see what they searched to find my site, where they’re from, how long they looked at it and what they had for breakfast. That’s right Jim Franklin from Gary, Indiana. I’ve noticed you’ve been eating a lot of bran cereal. Maybe cut down on the fiber, buddy. Wouldn’t want your colon to explode.
Call it market research. Call it invading people’s privacy. Or probably just call it an easy way to write a blog without having to come up with new material. Think of it as a sitcom’s first clip show. Perhaps Perfect Strangers. Oh, Balki. Your heart was as big as all of Mepos.
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"Frost Brew Liner"
Easily the most popular google search for Rowdy Bowden. People must really be catching on to my theory that Coors Light’s Frost Brewed technology is at the core of a global conspiracy that will shake the foundation of civilization and alter the course of history.
Plus, it keeps your beer mighty cold.
"Long 4skin"
There are a lot of 4skin searches, but this one from Iowa added a descriptor. I can’t help but wonder, is this guy plagued by an abnormally long 4skin? Is it a woman who is disturbed by her man’s freakish 8skin? Or is it simply a Jewish mohel brushing up on the latest circumcision techniques?
"I lookup this guy shorts on the train see his bulge"
(from Australia)
I have no idea what this means or which one of my blogs it took him to. But I do know that I’m canceling my trip to Australia.
"UGA mascot pissing on gator"
(from Florida)
Rowdy Bowden: Fulfilling all your collegiate mascot urination needs since 2006.
"Necrophilia safesex"
(from Japan)
Because if you’re going to have sex with a corpse, for God’s sake, be smart about it.
"Cannot grow facial hair"
(from Australia)
I’m just glad that someone shares my plight. Even if they live halfway around the world, when I look up at the stars and feel my 2 weeks worth of “beard” that looks like I glued 50 particles of sand to my face, I know that someone, somewhere, is doing the same.
"Ducky shark facial"
(from Holland)
No clue why Google directed this search to me, but Ducky Shark Facial conjures up the most disturbing image I can think of since I watched Dark Crystal at my grandma’s house. Those creatures weren’t quite muppets and they weren’t quite human. But they were definitely 100% freaky. Which is what I imagine the guy from Holland who strung together those three words is.
"Tips on how to please a woman"
(from Canada)
I don’t know what’s funnier. The fact that this person is from Canada, that they looked at my site for 14 minutes, or that they actually hoped I would be of any help whatsoever on this topic.
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2 comments:
Truth be told, I am more than a little curious to know what a "ducky shark facial" is, exactly.
Aisteach.
**C**
I was actually looking up Cheap styrofoam Coolers and i clicked on your site. It was a worth-while waste of time. I got so into your other readings that My shopping cart had expired on the other web-site. So i have to re-click everything.
Maybe you can come up with some funny stuff for a catering business i want to start.
Fajitas, or Unlimited Tacos
http://sites.google.com/site/chicagotaquizas/Home/fajitas
(Chicago Only) But i would like to move to ATL someday.
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